Bittersweet

There are two big things happening this weekend that are soooo bittersweet. The first one planned is my niece graduating from college. I tear up just thinking about it. I was there in the room when she was born, it just doesn't seem like it was all that long ago. She is a beautiful young woman, inside and out, and has worked super hard to accomplish all she set out to do four years ago. I can't wait to celebrate this with her.

The second, which was just planned about 2 1/2 weeks ago, is my baby (18) is going to his Senior Prom. The sad part for me, besides the obvious, is that I am going to miss it. I will be in Missouri with my niece. I know there will be pictures but it is still sad that I will be missing out on such a huge event in Zach's life. He's pretty stinking amazing. He is definitely one of a kind. There are moments everyday that he drives me crazy but he is unique, gifted, strong in his faith, strong in who God has created him to be and would do anything for anyone. Simply said, I love him.

Friday

I discovered at 4:50 a.m. this morning that I had a flat tire. Then I decided I would use Hilary's car discovered it is making a horrendous noise in the brakes. At that point I gave in. It was obvious I wasn't supposed to go to the gym today which completely stinks because Sherri and Judy were going to meet me there. When Sherri text asking about it I was SOOOOO excited, no one voluntarily just goes with me. I am still excited that come Monday, Sherri is still going to go!

After taking everyone to work and getting the tire fixed, when I say fixed I mean replaced (2 tires to be exact) I discover on the way home that there is a vibration in the steering wheel that was not there before. Now I have to go back out to Discount Tire with the 2 little ones yet again. Then I have to pick everyone back up from work and once the kids are picked up go to two more jobs today...so super glad it's friday...right...

Back to where I left Off

I have lost those last 3 pounds that I gained over those bad couple of weeks! Yeah! Now it's time to move forward, 15 more pounds to lose before I reach my next goal. Ahh...a sigh of relief...

Enjoying The Journey...?

This past week I have to say was extremely hard. I wasn't "enjoying the journey" that God has me on with my weight loss. To be completely honest I was quite miserable. Typically I make it to the gym 4 times a week and do pretty well with staying on track with my food. The previous two weeks I had not been completely on track with my food and had only been to the gym 2 to 3 times during the week. This may not seem like a huge deal but it apparently for me, it was.

I guess I made progress with the battle that goes on in the mind. I was so discourage with myself that I hadn't been as good as I should have that I kept beating myself up about it. It was completely interfering with everything and I do mean everything. My thoughts just weren't clear. After one horrible workout, one that was a bit redemptive and three days of eating on track the break through came.

Here it is, I didn't like the way my "bad" behavior made me feel and I needed to change it back. I needed to be back on track, I need to keep pushing forward in my "journey". So far it seems like, what, this is a break through? Yes, yes it is. Here's why, previously if I had been bad for two weeks and proceeded to beat myself up about it, I would have continued to spiral downward. I would have quit exercising and kept eating wrong foods. Not this time. I truely didn't like the way it made me feel. I absolutely love the way I have been feeling with eating better and exercising regularly.

I know this is not the end of the battle but I am so glad to have won this one. I pray I won't forget what I learned.

Just A Bad Day

It started at the gym, I didn't do well at all. I just haven't been able to shake the bugs that the kids are continually bringing in. As soon as I begin to get over one they bring in yet another. My lungs are my weak spot and they are still not to full capacity so it makes so much of what we do so much harder. I kept getting light headed and had to keep stopping, UGH! I just came home and cried. To be honest I haven't eaten the best the past couple of weeks and that just added to it. I was discouraged and disappointed in myself. Normally when I go and have a not so good day I can usually say, at least I went...not today.

Today was the worst but I have to be hopeful that tomorrow will be better, it couldn't be any worse. I have been back on track with my food the last two days and I will go to the gym tomorrow and try again.

Aside of that, my day has consisted of wiping continually runny noses and listening to Caleb throw one of his fits. When he does this there is no consoling him. He doesn't want to be held, he just wants to scream. I just don't think I am cut out to do this everyday...I really don't. It's nothing against the little ones, they are great they really are. I was afraid of this before I decided to do this but thought that I could get past it but I don't think so...

Kids are Germ Factories

I am sick again!!! I am soooo sick of being sick. I am convinced that little ones are germ factories. They breed, harbor and share the germs with everyone! I have not been to the gym since last Saturday and with the way I still feel, I can only hope that Monday will look better. Good news is that I haven't wanted to eat so I have lost 5 more pounds. That makes the grand total so far...61 pounds lost. Eventually I should build a tolerance against these little germ carriers, right? Good thing they are cute!

Progresssion

My schedule is all out of sorts this week. Monday I just couldn't get up and go to the gym, 4:30 was really 3:30 and ugh...it was just too early. Instead I went walking/running in the evening. I did do better with the running this time. Jenni gave me some tips and they were very helpful. If anyone had been around they probably would have thought I was crazy. I would pick points to run to and at times I just kept telling myself, out loud, that I can go further, over and over. I am sure I looked crazy but it worked. Tuesday I made it to the gym. Today I was going to go and again just couldn't get up. I guess tonight I go walking/running again. Tomorrow, the gym (which means enduring another of Lori's classes). Hopefully back on schedule Friday.

37 1/2 Inches

Yesterday after boot camp, which by the way totally kicked my butt this week, I got remeasured. I was first measured on January 5, 2010. It wasn't really my idea but Jenni and Lori both said I should, so I did. I didn't want to know the numbers, still don't. I was supposed to be remeasured on February 5th but for one reason or another it just kept getting postponed. I finally took the few extra minutes yesterday and did this. As you might guess from the title, I have lost 37 1/2 inches since January 5th. I still don't know what all the numbers are, still don't want to but I do know that I have lost over a yard of inches off of my body. I have also lost 4.5 percent of my body fat. Unfortunately I know what my body fat percentage is now, I inadvertently saw that number...ugh. Oh well, at least it's going down.

When I first started this journey back in August 2009, I refused to be measured. Part of me now wishes I had so I could see exactly how far I have come. I know I have gone down 4 sizes, 53 lbs, inches and inches, and percentages of body fat (that I will never know). The other part of me is still glad I didn't get measured, I don't know if my ego (what there is of it) could have taken the numbers. Eventually I will know the numbers and who knows MAYBE and I do mean MAYBE I will actually share them...doubt it :)

Never Goes as Planned :)

Therisa was sick yesterday so Amanda stayed home with the kids. Which means day 1 has been pushed back a week. On top of that I have been sick the last few days so due to an extremely sore throat and head congestion I did not make it walking/running yesterday morning either. I did go walking later in the day and of course got rained on. Oh well, better luck next time, right? Hopefully in a week all of the sickness will have passed and we can just move on.

Today was pretty exciting, to me anyway. I went to Free Style Friday (at Punch) this morning and did something that I have not been able to do up to this point. It was the loops! Granted I have moved from not doing them, to actually putting my feet in them, to holding my body while my feet are in them, to today where I could actually hold my body and move my legs (at the same time)! If you don't know what the loops are here goes my best effort to describe them. They are like a gym rope, they hang from the ceiling and stop approximately 1 1/2 to 2 feet off the ground. At the end of the rope (hanging above the floor) are the "loops". Imagine yourself on your hands and knees, then take each foot and place them in the loops behind you. Now lift your knees off the floor, so you appear to be in the push up position but your feet are not on the floor but rather in the loops. Now do mountain climbers or pull your knees to your chest...that's what I was finally able to do this morning! Yay me! Granted I had to take momentary breaks during the 1 minute intervals but non the less I did it! As time goes on, breaks won't be so necessary. Progress, just need to keep making progress. I also got to flip the big tractor tire this morning...don't know why but I LOVE doing that! It's just fun!

Tomorrow's the First Day!

Tomorrow I start watching my grandchildren! Evan finally got a job, thank you Jesus! Amanda is in school so I get the kids! This is why I made such a change in my life, so I could be here for them. I can't say it's been an easy change because it hasn't been but I believe in the long run it will be worth it.

There are so many changes happening in my life, physical and emtional. God never ceases to amaze me, I have NEVER had the desire to run, walking has always suited me just fine. Now all of a sudden I have this urge to try running, so I did. Tuesday I went out for the first time. I walked and ran. I probably ran 1/3 of my route but it's way more than I ever have in the past. Tomorrow will be day number 2, hopefully it won't be raining (I still have no desire to run in the rain). Months ago when this journey started, as I would struggle with pushing myself on the treadmill, in my head I would keep saying, stronger...better, over and over again. I just wanted to be stronger, I just wanted to be better. I am totally getting there. I am stronger, not where I want to end but definitely stronger. I am better too. Better in the sense that I am refusing to let what I perceive to be my inabilities stand in the way of my ability. My perception is not always clear (go figure), I am glad God's is. I just need to keep leaning on Him.

Just a Thought

Bob and I were standing in line yesterday at the grocery store and as we waited our turn I began reading the magazine article titles. Most of them were either geared toward sex or weight loss. All the weight loss were of course promising unrealistic success, one was even change your body in 2 days! Wow, only 2 days, sign me up, right? As I read all these titles I had a thought, brilliant or crazy, I don't know yet...buy each magazine each month and try all of their crazy weight loss promises and just see what happens. I think it would be extremely interesting to do this for a year. You might even have to have several people do it, there are so many different ideas. I don't know, it could be an interesting experiment.

For now I am sticking to what I have been doing. That old concept of eating right and exercising. It's crazy, I know but it seems to be working. I have finally dropped 5 more pounds. For the last month I was at a stand still, the scale finally moved in the right direction. I am at a loss of 53 pounds, woo hoo! 25 more to go before I reach my next goal. Then of course there are more but as long as progress is happening, I'm good.

Challenges

Being sick creates such a challenge to keep motivated. I believe that I have a sinus infection...ugh, it's no fun.

Challenge number 1: Babysitting. I have 3 little ones and all I want to do is rest. With the little ones that is an impossiblilty until they are all back with their parents. Love them but I will definitely be ready for them to go home today.

Challenge number 2: Exercise. I usually go to the gym on Monday mornings but not today. Sleep seemed more important. Tomorrow I will have to go, sick or not. I just can't afford to get out of the routine. Lori teaches on Tuesday, it's already hard enough when she teaches let alone being sick on top of it.

Challenge number 3: Time to go to the Dr. without disturbing the parents work schedules. I don't think that one is going to be a possibility. Somethings are just unavoidable and meds are going to be necessary.

Just praying I feel better soon :)

Something New Within Me

There are a lot of changes happening on the outside but there are also huge changes happening within. I went to a candle party the other night and saw someone I hadn't seen in awhile. She said she didn't recognize me. What? I have lost weight but really? I haven't lost that much yet, I don't think anyway. She asked me questions like what made you decide to do this and how are you doing it. I gave a response to how and so far as what, I didn't. I just let her impose words in that part of the response. It's been a process of different steps to have come to this point. Different things have "inspired" me and honestly I am not ready to share those as of yet, maybe someday.

I have heard from numerous people lately how proud they are of me, which is nice, really nice. It's encouraging and who doesn't need encouragement from time to time. BUT here is the something new within me, it isn't necessary. Before it would have been far to important for people to notice and say wonderful things. This time, not so much. It really is irrelevant if people say something. It's different this time, I'm different. I know that this is God inspired and God led. His approval is the only one needed, as should be in all things. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the compliments but this time, I can do it without them. They don't define my success, I do.

Overwhelmed

Last week I was 2.2 pounds away from meeting my first goal which I originally hoped to achieve by the end of February. Optimistically I was wondering if I could reach it by my birthday, which is the 5th. Could I really do it? I decided that either way I would be good but it would be FANTASTIC if I did. Yesterday I weighed myself and found that I had lost .6 pounds. Not the 2.2 I was hoping for, but non the less a loss. Today when I woke up something told me to weigh myself (I don't usually do that more than once a week). To my surprise I lost an addition 2.4 pounds! I had SURPASSED my first goal! I ran upstairs and asked Bob, "do I look 2 pounds lighter, because I am"!

After I dropped Bob off at work, I turned on the radio. The song, dance like there is no tomorrow came on, the words "I want to be the man I was meant to be" were sung and an overwhelming flood of what I think was about every emotion came over me. I just started sobbing but without sadness. I finally feel like I am becoming (physically) the person who God wants me to be. I am so thankful that God loves me enough to have brought me to this point and that He will continue to take me forward. I don't say this next statement for any other reason except to say how I felt. I don't say it for sympathy...it needs no response. I was so overwhelmed with emotion because I reached a point in my life that I truly thought I would just always be that fat. I have tried unsuccessfully to lose weight in the past and had resigned myself to a lifetime of not liking what I saw. Fortunately, God is so much bigger than my thoughts. I do not have to live as I had assumed I would. I will not live as I assumed I would.

I detest it when people limit God, so why did I? Why do I? Fear, that's why. I am tired of my fear of failure standing in the way of my success...no longer. If I fail at something now, at least I will know I have tried. I am not done yet, my next goal is to lose 30 pounds, then 20, then...who knows. God will clue me in when I get there!

To Fuss or Not To Fuss...

It's been a long time since I have really dealt with a toddler. I have temporarily taken on an 18 month old 2x's a week. It's nap time, I put him down, he cries. I soothe him, put him back, he cries. I leave him and after 3 minutes he quits. Then 5 minutes later he cries. I check on him, he's poopy, I change him, soothe him and lay him back down...he cries about 3 more minutes. He is quiet now, I pray it lasts and he wakes up happy...I don't want him to hate me or nap time.

On a different note, I find the older I get the less tolerant I become of people being inconsiderate. I know we all have our moments but if you are going to put yourself out to accommodate something or someone the same effort should be returned, right? Right!

4 More Days!

I have 4 days to go in my 30 days of whole foods. In the last 26 days I have made 5 pounds of chocolates and 11 cake mixes, 3 different kinds of whipped frosting, and used 4 cans of regular frosting (all for the baby shower) and haven't even licked my fingers once! I have to admit that was a little tricky but not impossible. I am super surprised that I was able to do this and even more so that I am going to keep it incorporated into my daily diet. I am just going to integrate a few things back in and also allow for a few treats every now and then.

I went shopping for new jeans today because the ones I bought a Thanksgiving are getting loose and the ones that used to be to small are now just to big and need to go. The exciting part is that the new ones are one size smaller than the ones I got at Thanksgiving! Yay!!! To date I have lost 45 pounds and I am 2.2 pounds away from my first goal. I have to say...this feels good.

Friday, the 5th I turn 40 and who knows, may our little Dominic will be here by then. I hope so! How would you ever top that as a birthday gift? I don't think it can be done...come on little Dom, you can do it.

Thankful

On my way home after each workout I have so many great and clear thoughts. Then the day starts to set in and they disappear as quickly as they came. I find it to be a bit sad that I have lost them. However, one thing I do remember from them is how thankful I am that God is with me, in all things. When I think I can't, I know He can, so I persevere. He has changed so much within me in the past 6 months that it would be difficult to explain. Who knows, maybe someday I'll try. Some of the changes I don't even understand and can't begin to explain. Whatever God is doing, I am so, so, so thankful that He loves me enough to have brought me this far. I am excited to see what else He has in store. Thank you Jesus!

I Can Breathe

I can breathe, temporarily anyway. The baby shower is over and it went really well. Evan and Amanda received so many wonderful gifts. In addition to all of them they also received about 25 packages of diapers! They will be stocked for awhile. What a blessing for them. Amanda is ready for Dominic to be here, she's quite miserable. I am ready too, simply because I am excited! It could be any day now. She isn't due until February 19 but I don't think she will make it that long.

Hilary and David are doing well. They spend time together reading God's word and just hanging out. Hilary started back with 5 Star yesterday and has made some great progress in forgiveness of past mistakes that some friends had made. I have to say David has been a good influence on her. They have some serious ideas about what their future together is going to look like for them this year...not so sure I am ready for all of this.

Zach is doing well in school. He really likes his class at EACC this year. I am so grateful. It's hard to believe that he graduates this year. Where has the time gone, really, where did it go?

Whole foods are going well, I am on day 22. I still am amazed that it is quite easier than I expected it would be. I will integrate some foods back in but for the most part I think I may stick with it for awhile. We will see.

Just as soon as my workouts start to become a little easier, they make them harder! Oh well, it's working. I have lost 43 pounds so far. I am 5 pounds away from my first goal. Whew, it's been a lot of work but completely worth it.

It's Official

It is official, I have lost 41.2 pounds! I still have a way to go but it's nice to be this far!

Today I get to hang out with Hilary. We are going to do girl stuff, this should be fun. We are also going to go to the gym and sweat a little.

The most exciting part of the day is about to happen, I am about to go have a long over due and extremely missed, cup of coffee...don't tell Lori!

Getting There

I went to boot camp and Zumba today, I think I sweat out a small child! Before I went I weighed myself and was .4 pounds away from losing 40. After I weighed myself and according to the scale I lost another 1.8 pounds. If that's really the case I have lost a little over 41 pounds!

Of all the things I have given up though, I miss my coffee the most! I may have to bring that one back in...we'll see. Everything else doesn't seem to bother me but this one does.

Day 10

I am now 10 days in to the whole foods thing, I have to say it's better than expected. I have found through help of friends, it's easier for me to drink the veggies than it is to eat them. The first thing out of my comfort zone was the green drink. The green drink consists of fresh spinach leaves, almond milk and banana. It is REALLY green! Tastes most like a banana. It took about 4 days to get past the mental game of what I was drinking and the color factor.

Then Alison suggested "juicing". Now I am having carrot and oranges juiced, together. It's not terrible, it's completely drinkable. Today I will be experimenting with carrots, beets and apples together. The fruit helps kill the taste of the veggies and as long as I balance the number of fruits to veggies, I'm good.

At this point I have lost another 3.2 pounds. I am now at a 38.2 pound loss. I have "outgrown" my jeans that I used to wear last year. The jeans that were to small last year have now been discarded due to the fact that they are too big. Jeans that I haven't worn for about 4 years because they were too small are not to far away from being discarded too. They are too big but not to the point of giving them up yet. Jeans that I bought at Thanksgiving are starting to get loose. I love this! I don't want to shop until at least spring. I don't want to waste money on something that hopefully won't fit to long. It's a good problem to have, I'm soooo not complaining :)

Hopefully the next 10 days will be just as good if not better!

It's Been Awhile

I haven't updated my blog in ages. Life has been crazy but when isn't it. So much going on, Evan and Amanda are having a boy. His name is Dominic Scott and he is due on February 19, 2010. They had a 3-D ultra sound done, the pictures are amazing, it's like we have met him. I can't wait to actually hold him. Zach is half-way done with his senior year, where did it go. Hilary is loving life at the Bee Hive Salon. She has also met a young man and is very smitten, we shall see where it goes.

Monday I start babysitting. I have given up the bulk of my cleaning so I can be at home to watch the Therisa and Dominic while Evan and Amanda are at work and school. I still needed to replace some of my income so I will also be watching Josh and Dee's little ones. This should be fun, another chapter of our lives to be written.

In addition to keeping my offices to clean, I kept one of my residential homes. This decision serves two purposes. The first is, my client needs someone that can be trusted. He has a form of autism and is very functional however, he leaves money and bank account information all over. The second is, I have joined a new gym (in addition to Fitness USA). Crazy, I know. I tried this on a free pass, I never thought I would like it. I was surprised to find out that I do. It's truely one of the hardest things I have ever done. After each workout a new body part decides to hurt. The first 5 minutes of the workouts are harder than 2 hours at Fitness. There are moments that I wonder, what was I thinking?!! On top of that, Lori (the owner) wants me to try eating ONLY whole foods, this also means no dairy, for 30 days. For most this doesn't seem so crazy, for me I'm like are you kidding? I wish I liked veggies but I don't (not many anyway). Crazy enough though, I think I am going to try it. If I fail, I fail. If I don't...even better. I can do anything for 30 days, right? Of course, right. To date I have lost about 35 pounds. I have a way to go but for now I will take it.